It’s that day of the week again when we take a look into another YA author’s past. This week, Eileen Cook dishes about her first crush. Eileen may be the stellar author of ‘Getting Revenge on Lauren Wood,’ but she crushed on someone just like the rest of us. Let’s take a look at her hysterical story. 🙂
I went to a Catholic high school. We were required to attend church on random schooldays as our souls needed way more saving than could be completed on a Sunday morning. We all grumbled about having to go, but it was better than sitting in math class having to sort out quadratic equations and polynomial expressions. In theory we were supposed to be pondering our eternal souls, but in reality most of us spent the time whispering, passing notes, and plotting our romantic lives. Attendance was required so it provided a great chance to scope out various classmates all in one place. A sort of Target of dating, everything you could want (or never want) all under one convenient roof.
I had a crush on someone. I’ll call him X. Over the course of a few weeks we had passed the preliminary stage of acting like we didn’t care and had moved into the stage of having our friends discuss our potential relationship. God forbid we directly discuss it ourselves.
My Friend (MF): So what’s up with X?
His Friend (HF): Why do you ask, does Eileen like him or something?
MF: Maybe. Does X like her?
This negotiation process had continued for some time and now all parties were fairly clear that:
a) I liked X, and X liked me;
b) Cardboard boxes had better communication skills than we did;
c) Our friends were in training to be United Nations ambassadors by getting maximum information while promising nothing; and
d) It was time to take our relationship to the next level.
X and I were engaged in meaningful glances during the church service when it happened. The world began to seem far away. I could hear my best friend whispering to me, but she sounded like an adult from a Snoopy cartoon “wah, wah, wah, waha.” I suddenly was covered with a clammy sweat. Black spots started to appear in the corners of my vision. I knew love was supposed to make you feel wonky, but this seemed all wrong. I had to get out of there.
I could see X’s face. His eyes were growing wide as I stumbled towards him and the aisle. I stopped in front of him. My vision narrowed.
That’s the last thing I remembered, then I passed out.
Apparently I gave some sort of primal grunt. My friend described it as “it sounded like you were trying to pass a cow.” I then lunged for X, although I suspect it was more of an uncontrolled fall. No doubt X thought one of the following had happened:
1) I had been overcome by my love for him and had to have him right then, right there,
2) I was having a religious vision;
3) I was a zombie and wanted to eat his brain; or
4) I was a total loser and social geek and should be avoided at all costs in the future.
X went with option four. I regained consciousness after only a minute or so. Everyone was staring at me, except for X who was clearly planning never to look at me again.
This experience taught me a couple valuable lessons.
1) Always eat a good breakfast or you could become lightheaded.
2) Although the idea of “falling for someone” sounds romantic, in reality it involves making unattractive noises and drooling. If you are wearing a skirt you may fall over with your panties on display. This should be avoided at all costs.
My advice is if you plan to skip breakfast be sure to wear pants and don’t fall for anyone unless you’re sure he’s the kind of guy who can be counted on to pick you back up.
X should have totally gone with option 1. lol. Thanks for joining us, Eileen! Your story made my day. 😀 For those of you who want to read the crazy amazingness of Eileen’s writing, check out her website at Eileencook.com. Thanks for sticking around! Until next week!